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Book Four
The Five Questions
An inner framework for men who are tired of merely surviving.
A book for men who are still showing up, but who may be quietly disappearing inside the life they are trying so hard to hold together. Not a book about becoming louder, harder, more successful or more impressive. An invitation to stop, breathe, and ask deeper questions about devotion, habits, presence, avoidance and legacy.
Most men do not collapse loudly. They collapse functionally.
What are the five questions?
- What am I giving my life to?
- What kind of man am I becoming through my habits?
- Who gets the best of me?
- What am I avoiding?
- If my children became exactly like me, would I be proud?
Not a system, not a programme — a compass. Each question carries its own practice: the Devotion Audit, the Habit Mirror, the Presence Audit, the Avoidance Map and the Legacy Letter. These are not questions to answer once. They are questions to live with.
Who is this book for?
For the man who looks fine — who still laughs at the right moments, still meets the deadline, still asks everyone else if they are okay — and who suspects he may be disappearing slowly. And for the friendships, fathers and men's groups ready to ask these questions together.
Being needed is not the same as being known. Being responsible is not the same as being alive. A man can be strong and lost. Responsible and exhausted. Loving and absent. Useful to everyone and unknown to himself.
Why I wrote it
This book is not another demand. It is an invitation — to stop and ask better questions. Not louder questions. Older ones. Human ones.
It moves through work, marriage, fatherhood, the body, attention, anger, grief, repair, and the ordinary choices that slowly form a man. At its heart it is a tender but serious call to stop merely surviving and begin consciously inhabiting life. Not perfect. Not flawless. But awake. Repairable. Faithful. Whole.
If what you are carrying feels heavier than tiredness, please talk to someone — a friend, your doctor, or a counsellor. This book is a companion, not a substitute for support.
| Title | The Five Questions |
|---|---|
| Subtitle | An Inner Framework for Men Who Are Tired of Merely Surviving |
| Author | Dean Cothill |
| Publisher | Urban Publishing |
| Format | Paperback, 148 × 210 mm (A5) |
| Extent | 276 pages |
| ISBN | 978-1-83489-075-3 |
| Published | September 2026 |
| Category | Personal Growth, Christian Living, Men's Studies |
The other books: Poems & Prayers · Between Arrivals and Departures · SOUL — or start with the question that fits where you are.
Questions readers ask
What are the five questions in the book?
What am I giving my life to? What kind of man am I becoming through my habits? Who gets the best of me? What am I avoiding? And: if my children became exactly like me, would I be proud?
How is burnout different in men?
It often shows up as detachment, irritability and cynicism rather than visible sadness — going through the motions while still meeting every responsibility. That is why it gets missed, by others and by the man himself.
Can I use this in a men's group?
Yes — it was written with that in mind. Each of the five questions carries its own practice (the Devotion Audit, the Habit Mirror, the Presence Audit, the Avoidance Map and the Legacy Letter), which work well as discussion sessions. A free discussion guide is available below.
What if I look fine but feel like I am disappearing?
That is the exact reader this book is written for. Being needed is not the same as being known, and being responsible is not the same as being alive. If what you are carrying feels heavier than tiredness, please speak to a friend, your doctor or a counsellor as well.
Is The Five Questions only for Christian readers?
It is written from a Christian perspective but the questions themselves are human ones. It deals with work, marriage, fatherhood, the body, attention, anger, grief and repair.
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